I Wonder
I wonder, why life is extremely cruel?
some people get too much luck
some people get too much destruction
and I can only watch in the middle of virtue
The fact that life is fair because it is unfair to every single human is ridiculous
But I have no control nor power over this flying blue planet
I have the sea of hope that waste every moment
Do you think this is easy?
No, He does know so — too well — that life is way too hard and harsh
We need to stay in calamity under the pray over the trial
But why? Why does it need to be this way?
Why should I be the one who feels this?
I wonder if in the past my key person chooses a different option
what my life would be like?
what kind of suffering I will feel?
what challenges I will face?
I wonder, what it feels like to have a healthy mind?
what thought will have appeared?
what struggle I will concern?
how tough my mental will be?
I wonder if I have a friend, what kind of life I will face?
what kind of connection that I need?
what kind of feeling does make me happy?
what kind of story I will write on this site?
I wonder if I have stability over my life
will I check my phone every hour?
will I be unknowingly sad without a reason?
will I feel adequate?
I wonder, what thing do I need in the present?
Do I need a hand of connection?
Do I need stability?
Do I even need anything?
I wonder how to be grateful all the time,
does it feel nice?
do I still complain about my life?
do I feel adequate all of the time?
I wonder, how people can forgive their past, how can they do that?
Does not the thought come without any intention still?
Do I need to accept everything meticulously or instantly?
What do I need to do to shut this screaming out?
I wonder, what if I remain silent?
will I have the same amount of regret?
will I expect something?
will I stop slapping my mouth?
I wonder what kind of future will come into my life?
how do I look? Am I stable enough?
will I be desperate?
will I be a great person?
I wonder if I take a different decision
will my past, present, and future be so different?
will life take a look at me?
or will I be on the bottom of the well?
I do not know, and I will never know about the past and the future
I do not know, and somehow I do not want to know
I just want to enjoy this blessing and punishment
and wonder more toward the past and the future
I will make my decision
I will get up, rise, and down
I will be alive, to face things I need to face
I will be turned down and rise again
So I wonder, when I will give up?
I wonder, how can I stay alive?
I wonder, how I face myself and the future?
I wonder, and I will always be wondering
